About two months ago, I finally decicded to seriously seek therapy for emotional instabilities I have been having, which I can safely say, resulted from an extended period of abuse.

I want to recieve help more than anything, especially since I seem more emotionally unstable everyday, but in visiting my therapist, and sitting in that chair I cannot seem to voice what has happened to me in the past.

Everytime I try to explain what happened to me during those long years at home, I choke...I can barely formulate a sentence...I can barely bring up the matter without extreme waves of emotions just crushing all my spirit to do so.

Its like someone has cast a spell on me to never speak of what happened "back there" ever again.

I can't even stand to call what happened to me "abuse" because of the memories I have associated with such a word.

So I usually sit there in front of my therapist studdering, and trying to explain myself to her (to myself) what happened over about a ten year period.

It just seems hopeless. An impossible task.

How can I ever get help if I cannot even talk about what has happened to me?

How can I be a "survivor," when it seems like I'm so handicapped by what I went through, that I can't even utter a word to the person who can probably help me the most?

Its enough to make me want to quit it all and forget it all. But I've tried "forgetting" my abuse period before, and look where its got me.

I'm just speechless.