Your nopt backwards you just have issues. It seems so often people in relationships wish they were single and people who are single wish they were in a relationship. I knew since I was 4 that I should be single my whole life but I got stupid 2 times and I have paid. Being alone is hard sometimes but so is being in a relationship. For me relationships have been just hell and unfortunetaly I seem to marry someone when I love them. I feel backwards myself so I guess I can relate to where you are coming from.
My problem is I believed in the fairtale of "true love" and found that it doesn't exist, not for me anyway. I don't want to be alone, I have SO much to give someone and I don't want to not be able to share it. I am just babbling here cause your post got me started!! Sorry. Life is tough huh?
Hang in there Willow. You have some stuff to work thru but you will, I know it.
Heidu