It will be three years this August that I have been discharged from being an inpatient, Two years this month that I was discharged from outpatients and with a grand total of five years in eating disorders services I find myself following that same slippery slope.

Iv'e watched as my fellow inpatients have been readmitted discharged and readmitted again over the last three years, as I stood by in awe at how the treatment failed them.

I don't feel as I am following a path as such but merely being dragged down it. Part of me is feeling so strong to succeed whilst there is only a small part of me trying to retreat.

I remember when my anorexia took hold the first time, I remember how it manifested, I know the warning signs but still I don't know if this is the beginning of a relapse or a small blip but what I do know is that I am spending every waking hour thinking about it. . I'm telling myself to wait and see how it pans out, if I lose a bit of weight it can't be a bad thing but isn't that the anorexia talking, dragging me further? or is it just the natural thing to do?