Oh (((Tamster))), I am so sorry that happened to you. Well, ofcourse you would have troubled feelings about that, he was supposed to be a professional, an authority on helping you, and he failed and abused his position and victimized you.

Oh dear, what you are feeling is normal to many that have this experience, but this was not your fault and you do not have to protect anything. What you are really doing is protecting how vulnerable you were and that is all, that is very normal.

This feeling of not being able to let go is telling you that you need to resolve this and that is all. As Human beings we are designed to have these strong feelings, we have to be like that to survive. Our brains are designed to problem solve, it really is how we have survived as a species.

We tend to think of preditors as people on street corners that are creepy looking but these preditors put themselve in places all through society where they can gain access to victims. They are very good at convincing a victim to feel like they need to protect them and the victim is the one at fault somehow. This was not at all your fault and THIS PREDITOR DOES NOT NEED TO BE PROTECTED.

Listen to what your mind and emotions are really saying, you need to get this resolved so you can finally free yourself of this and move on with your life, and you CAN do this, you DESERVE TO HEAL AND MOVE ON.

Many think this guilt and torment means that they failed somehow, it doesn't mean that AT ALL. All these emotions are there to force us to find resolve, REALLY. You are truely not guilty of ANYTHING, you were simply a victim.

Are you seeing a therapist? If not you need to find one that can help you with this.
I recommend a trama specialist that can walk you through the process of healing. I am doing that myself and believe me, it gets so much better. You are not alone you know and there really IS help.

Welcome to PC, we are here to support you, let you know you are not alone and listen to you. In this forum are many others that are working through their abuse as well, so you will have lots of support here.

Keep coming and sharing, don't be afraid to just talk and ask questions.

(((Hugs))))

We are not therapists, but we share what we learn in our recovery and we all encourage you to get help and know you do deserve that. It does get better.

Open Eyes