I graduated high school 12 years ago. I wanted to be a ballet dancer while in high school, but I just wasn't good enough. I practiced plenty, and was OK, but just not good enough to be a pro.
Anyway, when I was a senior, I had to let that idea go, and choose something else I thought I would like to do with my life. So, I decided to work towards becoming a zookeeper. I completed about a year of college, then started working full time so I could move out of my mom's, and I took only one class at a time. I worked at a vet's office for a year and a half, and burnt myself out, I think. I worked long hours for little pay, and my rent was too high. I ended up moving back with my mom after she stopped drinking. I thought that I could go back to college full time, but that never happened. I was unemployed for a year, and THINKING about other career choices as I had joined PETA, etc. and started believing that zoos were cruel.
I've thought of every career, and the older I get, the more ridiculous I sound to people that know me. Whenever, I become interested in something, I briefly want to turn it into a career. Then, I learn how difficult it would be, how much schooling is involved, or I realize that it's really not for me, and change my mind. I feel like I have no purpose. I know having a fulfilling career is not supposed to be someone's only purpose in life, but I also feel soooo dreadfully bored and useless. I feel tired and drained too because of these feelings plus my current job is so exhausting. I can't believe how fast time flies, and how I've wasted it by being so indecisive. I wonder if it's a stability thing.....I grew up with alcoholic parents, and my mom started drinking again shortly after I moved back with her many years ago. I finally moved out again 2 years ago, but I still feel pretty stuck and lifeless. I feel happy sometimes with the simplest things.....like a perfect breeze or a great night's sleep. But, I would love so much to enjoy what I do. I'm hanging by a string at my current job. I unload trucks, and I don't know how much longer I can do it. I have only a brother and my mom, and no friends. On top of that, I feel like I have to watch after my mom (I live 3 minutes away) so she doesn't let the cats out, or burn the house down....or something like that because she still won't get help.
I am wondering if anyone has any insight into why it's so difficult for someone to make decisions, or stick with decisions. I will have like 3 career choices, and think about them all day, switching back and forth trying to decide which one I will pursue. Also, I've gotten into student loan debt attempting to force myself to do something. Sometimes, I feel like I have no reason to be here.