Willow, I'm not quite sure what to say, except to let you know that you are not alone in being alone. I had three cousins get married this past year, and while I was very happy that they had found their soul mates, every wedding reminded me that I was not going to be walking down that aisle.

I am not afraid of romance...in fact, I'm just the opposite, I love romance, and can get romantically attached very quickly. But I always end up running from any kind of permanent committment. So I end up hopping from one relationship to the next, and never really finding what makes me happy. Now I'm alone, and my therapists are all telling me I should stay this way until I can learn to "look before I leap".

I know what you mean about wanting to have males in your life, and I actually have several gay male friends, too. But another thing that helps me is to have men around that are strictly platonic...for instance, I have male friends at work who are happily married, so we can hang out at work, but not risk any romance.

One thing that might help get you used to relationships with men but would be less romantic would be to get into an activity that interests men. For instance, biking and hiking clubs tend to have a lot of men in them...or if you're not into outdoorsy things, photography classes and clubs tend to have a lot of men, too. I dunno...maybe this wouldn't work for you...but I think that to get involved with men and realize that some of them will like you without wanting to be romantically involved might make you less inclined to run away so quickly when the first sparks of romance hit.

Anyway, I'm not sure if any of that made sense. But the one thing I do know is that you deserve to find happiness, and a happy relationship.

*hugs*
mj