If only I was more hopeful, then maybe I wouldn't feel like such garbage for being the type to bring everyone else down with my problems. I mean I notice a pattern of I'm really feeling hopeless and depressed but unless I am willing to talk about recovery or whatever people just give up with even attempting to be supportive. Its like 'we understand your depressed but if you're not still positive or making your best effort to think positively then go be depressed and hopeless alone, nothing else to say to you.'

I just don't know, I guess I just wish I wasn't so off putting to people when I need a little support the most. Because being totally alone in my pain really sucks. If I could just be a little less annoying, a bit less sensitive and just quit being depressed I feel maybe I'd get more tolerance from people. *waits for this to fall to the bottom of the page with no veiws since I hope not to bore anyone with this*