Open eyes,
Wow do you really know how I feel! You said it all. Shame, guilt, weakness, unworthiness, stupidity. He locked us in a big room on an unoccupied floor of the hospital, I was so trapped and alone. He did everything he could to me, including sodomy. He beat me until I threw up then made me eat it off the floor. He had so much power over me. I had been on the psych unit for 9 weeks and saw him everyday, I should have seen it coming and in hindsight I do. I feel so responsible. So alone. He sent me to an eating disorders center the next day and I lied to the doctor there about the bruises, I said I threw myself down the stairwell at the hospital. There was so much blood after the rape, he cleaned it with bleach, something I get uptight about smelling now. I can still smell it at times now, also I can smell him too. Flashbacks all the time, hallucinations often and I'm getting used to them.