I think if I could work either 4 hour days or 3 days a week, I'd do pretty good. But at this time that's not going to happen.

Like hanners said, I have intense racing thoughts. I can't focus. I jump from task to task. I make a lot of mistakes, (which, remember, are not allowed.) And even when I think I'm doing good, I'm not. Because the worse I am the less I can tell something is wrong when it comes to mania, because I also have that whole grandios thinking. "I'm doing awesome! I can't believe how great I'm doing! Nothing can stop me!" And I'm actually a whirlwind of chaos, but I can't tell....

The overlords have no idea, plus think bipolar is a fake excuse illness, and I should be able to leave it at the door. Wouldn't that be nice?

The issue is... I have been having some type of depression or mania every day for about three years now. Even when I was on meds it wasn't curbing it. I litterally sit at my desk half the time and feel like I'm actually losing my mind. I've had "better" days and worse days, but mostly this weird middle ground. The only time I've had a reprive from it was during my maternity leave. But the second I got back at my desk it started again. I get my work done, but like I said, when I'm "worse" I have no idea how many mistakes or how bad I'm doing.