One thing my husband and I have made crystal clear to our sons is that if they try to play one of us against the other, they are not going to win. But that is something we have discussed as a couple and one on one with each boy. They know that is a very clear boundary and they respect that.

I get the feeling that you and your wife and your daughter are going to have to back up, define those boundaries and discuss them so that all of you are on the same page. Otherwise this kind of thing will continue to happen because the message your daughter gets is that she can manipulate you two into getting whatever she wants. She has no problem if that causes problems for you two. That's what teenagers do when the boundaries are blurry.

The other thing we have learned is to pick our battles. If my initial reaction was to let her go to the carnival had I had the money to give her, then I would have probably gone to my spouse myself and gently woke her up to get the money or fished it out of her wallet (if that's an okay thing between you). Then the whole focus of the conversation would stay on the carnival and the whole issue with non-compliance really would have been a non-issue.

The main thing here is to really sit down with your wife and your daughter and iron out that whole playing one parent against the other thing. It is a teenager's favorite ploy. (Who am I kidding? It starts more like age 2.)