Thank you for such a supportive reply. It's been another tough day with my thoughts and I'm still none the wiser. Meeting a friend today helped although I found myself obsessed with searching the crowds for eating disordered people. Isn't it strange how they're everywhere when your mind is obsessed with the it.

I told my first lie today about what I've eaten in over two years and I can safely say I felt distraught and that pang of anxiety took hold. Brought my first diet fizzy pop since inpatient, these are signs things are definitely not okay but I still relish the feeling but part of me is terrified.