(((Tamster))),

I know the disorder really well, I have been working very hard at it myself. And I know how really hard it is to work through all these hauntings I have them as well.

What you are discribing here is a man who really knew how to pick and control his victims. He knew what he could get away with and that you would be frightened.
You did not have that ability to fight back, you WERE a victim, the typical victim and he knew exactly how to abuse you so you would cover for him.

Remember you are looking back with hindsight, but when you experienced it you really didn't have that ability. That is something we all forget while we are addressing abuse/trama like this. You really have to work on NOT SELF BLAMING. Please make sure you are very kind to yourself, you really deserve that and you also deserve to work through this with your therapists and heal. I know it seems like you are stuck, but you will progress and it IS up and down for a while, but you will progress.

I am very sorry you experienced this, you deserve a lot of support.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes