I feel like I'm stuck somewhere in my mind, for what has seemed like an eternity. Its crept up on me, slowly and surely. Eating away. Destroying everything I would call "me". Causing pieces of my life to fall away from around me.
Friends, family, support.. Its all gone now. I have no-one left.
I feel like i'm walking. If I dream i have one dream. I dream that i'm trapped in a desert. I just walk, walk, and walk. The sands in my mind stretch on and on for eternity. There is no end. There is no beginning. The sun is burning down constantly, relentlessly.
For so long I have walked, and not felt my feet hit the ground. For so long I have been in a storm, and not heard the thunder, or seen the lightning. I don't feel hungry, thirsty. I don't care.
Nothing matters to me now because I have nothing to care about. There is no-one. No one close, no one far.
I feel like i am drowning, but at the same time not feeling any pain.
What is this feeling that has taken over me. Numbness I would usually call it, but this time I am not sure what it is. It feels worse than numb. This feels more like empty. There is nothing to be made numb anymore. No soul, no mind. I feel lifeless and dead.
You could sit a Therapist, Councillor, Psych in front of me, and I would not even feel hopeful. I wouldn't know what to feel except nothing and a vast emptiness. I don't feel fear anymore, not happiness, sad, love, hate, anger, numb.. Emotions. They're gone and lost.
I would love to describe myself as lost.. it usually implies that it is retrievable eventually.. I don't even know what to look for anymore.