I dunno if you have depression or ....

If a person is depress, it's not like they choose to. It's not like if they want to be positive, then they will be positive. Otherwise, there is no need to take anti-depressant, even doesn't need the invention or anti-depressant.

i don't show I am depress when I am in the public. I don't reveal myself. I only tell people who I think will understand. And I only go to people who I think will understand.

Are you seeing a therapist ?