Over and over, I see evidence in your posts that your S.O. cares for you and that he and you have a pretty solid relationship.

I am amazed that such a decent guy came out of this screwball family.

They were definitely looking to push your buttons, I think. Or else, they are so unimaginative and starved for entertainment that doing what they did is a big kick to them. Of course, there is something majorly wrong with them. Will you always be an outsider to his family of origin? - Well, I hope so! If you get to where you can blend in with them just fine, then that's when I would think you have a bigger problem.

MAIN THING: Your S.O. did not pick out who his parents were going to be. He got stuck with them. He deals with that in the way that his mind thinks works for him. That really is his choice. If he is nice to you, and doesn't push you into being around them more than you want to be, then that he is fulfilling his obligation to you. What he does about his relationship with them and his history with them is really between him and them - to a large extent. I don't think you have any duty to be around these people "any time soon." Even your S.O, if I read right, doesn't seem to be pushing you to cozy up to these people.

Being an "outsider" to them, and not feeling like part of the family may reflect very well on you. This does not sound like a family that you want to be overly involved with. They are ignorant, or whatever, and how they are is probably going to be exactly the same in 20 years time. Maybe your S.O. does kind of whitewash the family dynamics, but he is doing what he needs to do to cope. It would not be wise for you to start writing them or texting them. They are mainly his problem. As the years go by, you and he might find that you do not spend a lot of time around them, and that might be a good thing.

As far as these folks of his not seeing you two as a couple, it could be because they would find it more entertaining if the two of you were at each other's throats all the time. Instead, you go to the mountains and have a nice time. How boring for the family - no grist for their mill. They would rather hear about some juicy gossip about one of you cheating on the other.

We all have dreams of how we would like families to be and those dreams get sadly shattered. I know. I am 28 years with a man, and his 3 kids really have nothing much to do with me. Once, I thought we would all love each other. The reality is not that. It hurts. I have to accept that they are who they are. When my S.O. has been critically ill (numerous times) they call me up and ask who is going to pay for his funeral and wouldn't it be best to have a cremation because that is cheaper. THIS when I am sleeping in the waiting room outside of ICU. I just throw that in to show I have been deeply wounded by treatment from family of S.O.

I really am routing for you and him to have your own life, as uninfected as possible by this toxic family. Maybe, I have said too much. Looking on from the outside never is the same as being in the middle of the situation - I know.