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Originally Posted by beauflow
Hellion Know that feeling- Ready For Battle!!!  and then later I think wtf am I battling about-- I think Bohogysp hit a lot of the channeling energy- It is rough I must say even for me. |
Yeah that is one of the more recent symptoms, I don't really remember having as much before my last panic attack episode thing that included way to much adrenaline...or at least that is how it felt don't know what other brain/body chemical does that. Hell if it wasn't for the panic attack symptoms I might have enjoyed the other(though I don't know that is a good thing). I just don't want to do something totally irrational and dangerous and get myself injured or worse. I feel like in that state I could have easily done something like that considering I got a bit freaked out by cars driving slowly by the house(they were slowing down for the sharp turn but in my crazy perspective, they were slowing down to stare). So I had a strong urge to dive off the porch onto the next car(quite a drop actually) and let loose on the hood and the windshield and well you get the idea...not good at all.
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I get that way too -- But I try to remind myself- It is a negative outlook, negative follows negative-- try to find some positive in the manner- Perhaps it is blowing sunshine up where the sun don't shine, but even if for a moment I can get out of my negative down fall of this felling, is better than being stuck there for eternity.  I hope you find some thing for yourself on a outlook of your life--- I can even go as far to say- look at what everyone else, are most of them even doing anything really meaningful besides "Living" as I do just in a different way-- sometimes that does make me feel better due to I then see everyone as ordinary- and not better than myself or lesser than myself.
Postive thinking at times and Perception can be a wonderful thing some times-- I know at times, I can get down with thinking I am lying to myself- that this earth of people is really nothing-- but to be honest with a little flower that comes up and says there is some beauty, and I see it's beauty; it can make me smile.
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I guess I just have more to be negative about. There are some things that can bring me some enjoyment, but even that is usually kind of is overshadowed by how I feel. I mean it does not really seem to matter how I try and think about things.
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can i ask one thing- I do this sometimes in my head and it does make me feel better so I will share it with you and yes I should do it with writing at times I will admit-- but think back 5 years ago- where were you, have you learned anything from the time that has past? I find it hard to believe that a person has not grown with in time- I find it possibly with all of us, even if at times we took a few steps back a one time.... Could we every really start back at square one, if we had some skills taught as time went on? Perhaps step 1.5; but if we are "back" at 1.5- we have learned some things as time has went on.
In addition you have reached out here on PC-- is that something you had done 5 years ago? to talk about some things?
Just some things to think about perhaps.
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5 years ago I was hoping to graduate highschool and get out of that hell hole via college. Then I think my plan was law school. What I've learned is running from PTSD does not work and actually makes the symptoms worse, pushing myself too hard= burn out...its not nice what the mental disorders I have do to my brain we went in detail in psychology class in college. Oh I've also learned if things can get worse they probably will in at least some way or another. People can be quite nasty and should not be trusted easily. Anyways I don't really see that as much growth more like things getting gradually worse..sorry to be so depressing.
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Also about the cure thing-- one thing that makes me giggle when I am down (perhaps this is negative but it is true at the same time) There is no cure for human kind 
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I would have to agree there.