like yourself, I too am setting a goal to just visualise self harm by cutting. I have recently deliberately used a metal spoon in boiling water to scold my skin to try to take away the internal pain of bipolar depression and instead externalise the pain. Don't know if you are in a mental crisis right now but hope that you can be strong and hang in there. We are total strangers but i do feel for you because I too am struggling to hold off from hurting myself again. Sending strength and hope.