Hi. My name is Kevin and I'm a 25-year-old pre-pharmacy major from Denver, Colorado. I come from a wonderful, supportive family. I was bullied in school and constantly depressed, but I was able to find my niche.

Around 23 I had a mental breakdown. I am not comfortable getting into the details, but I dealt with it and moved on. 3 months later, I had a slew of problems to work through. My childhood dog died, my car was stolen, I was accused of cheating in a class, and I had an STD scare (I am all clean).

Since then, I have felt nothing but numbness, angst, pressure, and confusion. I went to a new doctor after an episode around my 25th birthday and he was surprised, when I explained to him how unhappy I was and everything else going on, how I was never diagnosed as Bipolar. I'll be happy for moments at a time. For instance, yesterday rocked because my dad and I went hiking and talked for 3 hours straight - my dad and I don't talk all that much. I was on top of the world yesterday. But then I go back to pressuring myself into "feeling normal" and "getting things done." I've read that extensive list/goal making is a sign of mania. Oops.

Vacation is ending, and while I was active, I still don't feel like it was gratifying despite how active I was. I still feel numb, confused, and pressured. I tear up when I see old pictures of my parents, my siblings, and myself. I tear up when I think about going back home tomorrow. I am tearing up typing this. I feel excessive guilt and I often find myself thinking the worst will happen. Can't. Stop. Thought Spiraling.

I guess I've been at rockbottom for a year and half now so I've armed myself with 200 mg of Lamictal and I'm going to counseling very soon. I'm a fighter and I will survive this but right now I am completely drained.

Hi, I'm Kevin, and I don't blame you if you didn't read all of that.