If I am transgendered, would I even need to be asking myself? Or would I just know...?

I feel very confused. These are peices I've put together to answer my own question.

All of my life, I've been a tomboy. I've known since I was a kid that I liked girls... When I was 7 or 8 I remember asking a friend to pretend that I was a boy while we were playing once... and she went to kiss me.

I eventually came out as being a lesbian and I always fell for straight girls. I always got the same answer... "If only you were a boy...blah blah blah"... Some girls just experiemented with me and then that was it.

I got asked if I was a boy or a girl once at a Taekwondo tournament when I was 12. I secretly really liked that but never told anyone. I often imagined myself as a boy, but I just thought it was because I was gay.

The only thing I wear that's feminine is a bra... and it's a sports bra. Sometimes I bind my chest down.

I'm an aspiring bodybuilder. I'm pretty muscular for a "girl" and I just want to get bigger. I've always been the best at everything I do, especially sports.

The tipping point for me was more recent feelings...Here comes the TMI!

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and since we've been together, I've been feeling a little different while having sex.
I can't seem to get aroused unless I'm thinking that I have a penis and we're having hetro sex. I don't let her touch me in a lesbian sort of way... I use my imagination a lot when we're intimate and I can have an orgasm only if I'm imagining that I'm male.
When I fantasize, I think about hetro sex and not lesbian.

I've brought this issue up to her, but only when I'm drinking. I feel so embarassed the next day. I feel so exposed. It's only since being with her that I've had these sexual issues. I've just thought of myself as a lesbian and that was it. I do wear make up and people tell me that I'm pretty and both men and women seem to find me attractive.

I don't know if this is related or not, but when I was 19, I became severely anorexic and just wanted to fade away. I never knew the exact reason behind my desire to die, but I always felt out of place. I attempted suicide a couple of times.

Any opinion would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading.