lady, some of us don't succeed at our first go(es) of stopping drinking. for me it was being angry i was an alcoholic. like thinking if everyone can drink why shouldn't i? i described it as my having a temper tantrum...i did this more than once. once i resumed drinking in a short while i was drinking like my old ways-abusing alcohol.
some people have a drinking "problem". if they can occasionally drink with no consequences or not counting the number of drinks, they can successfully cut back and be ok. it's like warding off the disease of alcoholism.
but i believe if we do have concerns we are probably in the danger zone of being an alcoholic. once we try to stop drinking the alcohol "calls" us to resume drinking and we do. that's when akcohol controls us and we don't control it. justme, there were a myriad of underlying causes for my drinking in the first place. some i wasn't consciously aware of and others i was- like resentments, emotional instability, emotional baggage, those feelings that i knew a drink would take away, etc.
my thoughts-get back up on the horse that threw you and try again. it can be well worth the effort.
ps your honesty tells me you want to stop. thank you for sharing your experiences recently. that took courage for all the right reasons.