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Nammu · May 31, 2012, 06:50 AM

(((Tamster))) When someone has that much power and is supposed to be helping you and you are in a position from which you can not escape it is especially traumatizing. I'm glad you have two other pdoc's now who are helping you. He was supposed to help you and he violated that trust, it is confusing when that happens because it feels as if we "should" have known better than to trust them. Inside we blame ourselves, for allowing that to happen, for being vulnerable, so we "protect those who did the abuse although the reality is that we did nothing wrong.

They were in a position that any normal person was supposed to be able to trust them. What they did defies the norms of our society and we need to try and make thing right in the Topsy tipsy place that the world has become. In trying to make things right in the world we tend to blame our selfs instead of that kind of person. Because if that can happen there are so many things wrong with the world that allowed that to happen and it is hard to think of imagine and realize them all, because other people did have to know something was going on and they turned the other way and let it contine on. So hard to accept that in America even now there can be hospitals where you are supposed to get help but instead get abused even more.Yet it still happens because of those that turn away and do not speak up.

Quite normal to be confused and mixed up, sad, shamed, angry, vulnerable, unable to sleep, unable to trust, and to feel responsible for all of it. Smells are the most common trigger so it is not surprising that bleach brings back memories. I hope you were able or are able to do some kind of legal action where this happened. That is often one of the most healing actions a person can do.

All the best in your recovery, I know many have told you but you probably need to hear it many, many more times-you were not responsible, nothing you did caused his actions, you did nothing wrong.