hey there. yeah. i don't even worry so much about symptoms as i worry about:
am i happy with my life / the way my life is going?
what would i like to change about my life / the way my life is going so i can be happier?

whatever you list... those are the things you want to work on. i mean... sometimes there are things that people need to work on that people don't recognise as a problem... but you have family and you have clinicians so let them worry about those i say ;-)

if you could think about the person you would like to be...

what is holding you back from there?

that can be what you choose to work on.

:-)

> as for sex, well, i've declared myself celibate. i'm happy with that. i always hated sex, i could never see the point in it, and now i'm glad i've chosen to ignore and avoid it.

sounds like you are fairly happy with your choice :-)
sometimes... society can struggle a little... but IMO that is their problem... you aren't hurting anyone else and i would say that that is your decision to make. i don't think there is anything 'abnormal' (in the clinical sense) about that. so long as you are happy with your choice.

> the odd thing is that i can't even watch it in films or on tv. i'm like a kid, i'll have my hands over my eyes and my fingers in my ears, and i actually physically squirm in the seat. i HATE it.

i hate it too. my personal take... (just my personal take and i respect and appreciate that other people feel differently) but my personal take... is that sex is a very intimate act. as such i don't appreciate it been shown on tv. i also typically feel revolted in response to porn. my inclination is to worry about the girls (in particular) and to feel sick in response.

that is a fairly idiosyncratic response, i dare say. most people don't feel that way. i enjoy sex plenty, and i don't even have any notions about sex being 'dirty' or anything like that... i've been known to have the odd casual fling just for the fun of it... but the idea of sexual relations between people when one of the people (or even more than one) isn't really in the position to give true informed consent (i.e., because of history of abuse so they don't see they have options, or because they can't financially cope otherwise etc)... i find that repulsive. i don't think i need therapy for that, however. if i consider my idealised self... i'm happy with my having that response. i like to think it is awareness of possible injustice... i like to think it motivates me to speak out... i like to think... that if others had a comperable attitude... that women would be better placed in society (and guys too 'cause IMO that kind of thing promotes harmful masculine stereotypes too).

> the sex thing is different, it's not a loss of interest, it's a suddenly realising that i don't have to do this thing that i despise and that makes me sick if i don't want to.

okay. you don't have to answer this on the board (i understand if you don't want to)... but do you masterbate? actually... according to kaplan and saddock's 'Synopsis of Psychiatry' that isn't the question to ask... The question to ask is: How often to you masterbate?

(Apparantly if you ask 'do you masterbate' people tend to say 'no', wheras if you ask 'how often do you masterbate' people tend to blush and then fess up)

;-)

What I am getting at... Is do you have sexual interest (in the sense of a physical drive) or not?

The point of that is... And I don't really know what I'm talking about... But if you are lacking drive altogether it might be worth a medical check-up just to check that everything is okay. Whereas if you have drive just fine, but just don't feel inclined to do that with any particular person...

Well...

Then you probably don't need a medical check-up.

Do you know what about it makes you feel sick?

Have you thought about the possibility that you might be gay?

Or just the possibility that you might not have met the right person yet?

Just talking...