Yeah, with every episode or flashback I feel that same impossible to describe sensation that he lives inside my head.

But it is not real. That's what I do when it happens, I repeat to myself like a thousand times out loud "It's not real" and just detach and blank my mind. What helps is usually to think of a color, I think of white.

I know this doesn't make much sense, because fact is it doesn't anyways but those are small things I do to avoid hurting myself more when this happens. You can't stop it but with time (and lots of detachment from it and from him/her) you will get to a point that it is no longer the priority of your day.

One thing my doctor has made clear is that I need to desensitize those thoughts, your brain will always be functional and there may be times in your life you will encounter similar situations like you'd be walking down the street and maybe see someone being nasty to someon else and have that as a trigger. I mean, in any city or basically anywhere you may see things that will remind you somehow. So what he says is that I need to drain those emotions (in therapy, which is a safe place with someone that will help) in order to regain control of what hurts you and what doesnt.

It all sounds easy, but it's easier said than done.

I do not lose faith. I have my craptastic days but I know deep down time and effort combined will be on my side. It has been so far because thankfully it is not as bad as it was back in 2008.