If I could just curl up in a corner until these feelings pass, I would. I think this is the worst it has EVER been. I don't even know where they (the feelings) are coming from. I'm 35 yrs old (so is hubby). We have 6 children in the home, the youngest two are mutual. We have been together for 5 years, known each other for 20.

I have the 2 youngest ones at home during the day (they are both under the age of 3) and the other 4 attend school. I am so exhausted and weary with everyone elses appointments, household chores, family management, etc that I can't even get myself to go to counseling for myself. We have a therapist that comes to the home for my 10 year old daughter that has ODD. I try talking to her about things regarding myself, try to vent, try to get validation...but she is not my cup of tea to work out my problems with.

My husband and I will go weeks being completely happy and then WHAM....either he is assuming I am being unfaithful or I am feeling insecure and thinking he's looking for someone else. He doesn't understand that I need to hear compliments (even if it IS just about the dinner I just made or how clean the house is). When I mention it to him, he tells me "quit hounding me, let them come naturally". Well....they haven't come naturally in about a year? He must be detaching from me then! (that's how I feel, and what I think....it is NOT a fact). There are other factors on why I feel that he is detaching and looking for someone else.

I KNOW Im not an easy person to live with. I fly off the handle at my husband out of the blue. If I think he's thinking of someone else or thinking how awful it is to be with me, I get mad. As of yesterday, I told him I was done telling him how I was feeling inside because it just creates a fight and he says it "ruins" his day. I don't mean to ruin his day. I just want him to know what's going on inside of this crazy head of mine.

Do I even have a point here or am I just rambling in hopes someone will say that this is not permanent and it will subside....that there is another door to open. I don't know. I came here on accident and as I was reading the posts, I realized that I'm NOT "abnormal"...I just need to understand and be understood.

Sorry if I don't make sense here. I have so much to get out that my brain is just screaming at me.

I just want myself and my home to be happy again. I really honestly think IM the cause of the discord here.