Wow Tamster, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Enduring such brutal abuse and yet being able to talk about it and admit you feelings on the matter is very powerful. I can do neither. I had never in my life been able to talk about the sexual abuse I have encoutered, not even with my current psychologist who I get along so well, or my family or my boyfriend who I adore to pieces.

Those words well, can't come out of me for whatever reason.

At this point I have yet to be able to open up about many things, even in a forum like this or any community I've been part of, I feel shame and hate towards myself.

I think regadless of wishing to let go of those memories, you should stop for a minute and appreciating what a remarkable human being you are that after all of it you stand and do something about it. I am getting help but for years that hasn't helped the fact that I need to get it out and I can't. Hope to get to that point one day.