Sidestepper,
You said all the things I feel, the shame, responsibility, I should have seen it coming. For 9 long weeks we had gone to that room and talked for long stretches, we had watched sports in there. He had payed special attention to my needs, he broke me down. I was so weak and I was blindsided. But I am smarter than that and should have known. He is dead now in the literal sense and I know that but letting go of his ghost has been difficult. He's still here. I hate him?