"Burnt out" and "deeply stressed" probably sums it up completely.

These feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, depression, etc happen every few months. But this time it's either worse or I am more in tuned with it. Back in July, I had my last child through and emergency c-section. VERY traumatizing for me. I honestly don't think I've been MY "normal" since then. I know I should go in and talk to someone but I just can't bring myself to do it. Rehashing everything is so exhausting and it makes me feel worse than when I showed up for the appointment.

The mistrust has been happening on and off again since we got back together 5 years ago and to be honest it was never MY issue until recently. I never accused him, never thought for a moment that he would even desire someone else. I was always comforting him when he felt that way because I understood it had to do with inner issues and not something about ME. It's the WORST feeling in the world when you don't have that security that made you so comfortable.