i did think i was doing better last week. i was able to get out one day and do some errands, i had been getting up earlier in the day and a couple of itmes managed to stay out of bed

today and this weekend i just feel worse than ever. i haven't even been able to eat very much. its weird because i think it has to do with it being the weekend. i think i am just conditioned to be depressed over the weekend. i'm not working, i'm home everyday, so one day is no different than the rest so there is no reason the weekend should be any harder for me other than maybe i expect it. for some reason i just feel even more cut off from everyone than i do during the week. like i have to slide through the weekend to get back to the weekday as if i had more friends to contact or more options to pursue than i do any other day.

i had been doing really well getting into a better routine. forcing myself out of bed at a regular time. then i tried next to concentrate on doing something constructive to keep me out of bed. i ended up just not eating until very late int he day. after a few days of that it got so late taht i couldn't get to bed at a regular time, so that screwed up my sleep and i'm back to sleeping late in the morning. and worse i haven't been able to avoid a nap in the afternoon or early evening at all anymore.

i know i accomplished some progress but it doesn't feel like 2 steps forward and one step back, it feels like 2 steps forward and seven steps back.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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