Thanks for responding and for your support, i really appreciate it and need it. I can't talk like this to anyone. I tell my T and my bf and it just upsets them both. My bf feels responsible and i don't want him feeling that way. Its not his fault and i let him know and my T also feels shes not doing her job. So i make people upset but telling them how i feel. I came here because i have to let it out. Its so hard to keep things to yourself all the time and act like your ok when your not. Today i got through another day, i'm hanging in there is all i can say. But thanks for letting me vent and being supportive.