So.. I was planning this so the second post here would actually be like.. My back story. How I became like this.. Why I think I have BPD.

But I just need to get something out of my system first.

I am pissed off.

The main problem for my classmates and friends right now is that it's pouring rain outside and they have to cancel their plans. That's the stuff they deal with on a daily basis. "Oh, I had a fight with my bf, but we totally made up like two seconds later" "Omfg, my cat scratched my arm and it hurts.."

And here I'm sitting like.
"I've been trying to find a therapist and my morning started with me crying for random reasons and I spent my afternoon writing the longest letter to my new psychologist and I scratched my arm and it still hurts, but the pain is actually kind of good and I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown and the rain is actually good, cause I feel like the nature feels as lonely, pathetic and miserable as I do."

But no.. I can't say that. I have to smile and be compassionate and say "Yeah, that sucks."

Cause no one understands what I'm going through. Not one person. Maybe only some of you here.

It just plain out sucks. WHY ME?! Why can't I be normal and worry about stupid fights with stupid boyfriends and stupid cats scratching my stupid arm. Instead of doing it to myself.

I'm tired. Just.. tired.