Not good. I had a bad appointment with my doc. today. He upped my meds, and still won't give me meds for my anxiety. He sat there repeating that I'm a complicated person every sentence started with me being complicated and how because of it I'm hard to handle and know what to do with. He even told me that I'm developing agrophobia ( if that's how you spell it) due to my anxiety yet he won't prescribe me anything for it. Its effecting my daily life to the point where I'm almost totally confined to one room of my house because my anxiety is so high that I almost go into a anxiety attack just thinking about leaving.
He wasn't even listening to what I was saying at all, he just kept telling me I'm complicated and that he doesn't know what to do with me so he's going to refer me to a pysc. so hopefully if I get a new one they won't up and leave me out of no where without any notification. Then when I asked about getting a new counselor as well he started arguing with me about it and how they don't do counseling like what I'm looking for and haven't in years, which is s**t because my last one used to counsel like that. I don't understand how a counselor doesn't counsel :s like wtf?
Then he kept repeating to me that I might have to go from pysc doc to pysc doc for who knows how long before they can figure me out and what to do with me. Plus he kept telling me that things are going to be hard for me because I'm such a "complicated" person.
By the end of the appointment I felt like a bag of s**t and like there's no hope for me. It makes me feel like giving up, what's the point when docs keep telling me they don't know what to do or just up and leave me hanging high and dry. I don't understand what's so difficult, I explain myself I do my research and talk to friends in the medical field and get to know my facts so I know how to explain myself to these stupid doctors. Yet they tell me they don't fully understand, I'm a very "complicated person" but they'll try to figure something out for me. They never do they just say they'll help me and listen but they don't, and if they would just actually listen they'd be able to help me out. I don't expect to be cured or anything like that I just want things to be manageable in my mind and well that's what these people specialize in so why in the world can't they teach me these tools and give me proper meds?
I just don't get it and how my doc was talking to me makes me feel hopeless and that I shouldn't bother trying, and that ontop of all my other stress, depression, anxiety and abandonment/relationship issues, just makes me want to smash my head through a wall! I don't know how to handle all of this other then bad ways and I'm getting very close to those options....
Fml :'(