Hi,

Minor things do add up and can turn into something big. Even if the criticism didn't bring you to tears when you were in school it still seems to have affected you on a deep level. You were able to keep up a pretense. So all those things add up and lead to a progressive grating away at your sense of self. Did you ever stand up for yourself? do you consider yourself an assertive person or do you lack those skills? Do you notice a pattern with your 'triggers'. Also, what it is about your life that upsets you when you self-reflect? I'd say you've become quite over-sensitised (hypersensitive), so the littlest things do feel big. I'd say the thoughts of suicide reflect despair or hopelessness...expectations not matching reality. And a lack of coping skills. I would think that the mood fluctuations are normal. Do you tend to feel low only when you're in those situations or self-reflecting? otherwise (the rest of the time) you're able to distract yourself? do you feel any anxiety/fear at all?

Bigs Hugs to you xx