Seems to be that alot of this has to do with low self esteem. Have you considered seeing a therapist? Have you ever been in therapy or are you now?
If you're NOT in therapy now, I'd suggest making an appointment with a good therapist, and seeing what's behind all this. I'm sure it would help you -- I know therapy has helped me immensely, and I've been in it off and off most of my adult life.
Best of luck and keep us posted, ok? Hugs, Lee
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