TheSilentEmpath I feel like you often. Ive felt numb and like I am just living for no real reason, but at the same time I cannot see myself killing myself, at least not yet. I still feel that maybe there is a small chance I can find some happiness in my life eventually, even though at the moment and for most of my life Ive been consistently unhappy. I dont have any real friends and don't feel as if I have ever had a real friend. Just people who used me or didnt really care about me. I think if I was truly alone, and didn't have my immediate family that cared about me, I might be able to go through with killing myself. At least for now, I wouldn't be able to kill myself, knowing how it would effect my family. But I am just sick of going on and being miserable and just having your own family to talk to doesn't feel like enough. Im so sick of being lonely, but feel like I am too messed up to not be this way.

So I dont really have any advice. I am just in a similar situation. I dont know what my life's purpose is, if I will be happy, or if I will one day decide my life isnt worth living anymore. I am just confused and plodding along aimlessly for now. For now Ive just tried getting some enjoyment out of hobbies and small things in life like eating meals and things. I just feel really overwhelmed with anger and sorrow some days and it's very hard to deal with. Ive been in therapy for seveal months but dont feel much better. Am going to just say what the hell and try an antidepressant soon. Perhaps, theres something ****ed up in my brain making me unhappy. I guess I just haven't given up totally yet. Im still trying and hoping to make myself happy. I feel like I cannot give up and make such a permanent decision like killing myself until Ive tried all my options to turn things around. I do wish I was dead most days, but dont have the courage or the selfishness (since it will affect my family) to go through with it yet.