It keeps getting harder and harder to explain to Chloe about why her brother is up in heaven and why she can't cuddle him, send him photos of her new shoes, etc. All this is made harder by the fact that her comprehension is that of a 3yo at most (and she is 6). Even her 23mth old sister is ?ing the photos we have of him- she sees Mummy, Daddy, Chloe and a baby in the photo in the lounge... It has been nearly 4 years, but Chloe remembers specific details, and what she doesn't remember she has seen in photos and now has her own interpretations. Tonight I had:- I want to cuddle Daniel, why is he in heaven, I want him HERE, why was he sleeping (he was stillborn), why didn't he breathe, I saw him sleeping on Nana and Granddad's bed (we had the coffin in their room during the day while he was at home), etc etc etc. The more I tried to answer her ?s and explain stuff to her the more emotional I became (normally I can put a barrier up and run on 'auto-pilot" at these times). I guess that lack of sleep coupled with me just being a total emotional wreck at the mo doesn't help.

But I'm only posting at the mo coz I need to get it out of my head before I attempt a better nights sleep. I'm hoping for more than 2 hrs this time