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Jun 02, 2012, 12:27 PM
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Member Since: Feb 2011
Posts: 94
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I don't even know where to start on this post...but...
In late February, this year, I got sent to a mental institution due to some complications I'd rather not talk about... They diagnosed me with chemical dependency and treated me for alcohol withdrawal (fed me benzo's) and also made me go to the rehab ward to attend group therapies...
I was doing really good for a while when I got discharged...even attended AA meetings...but then I decided to be stupid and move back to my hometown and randomly move in with my boyfriend... Everyone drank there and smoked dope...I couldn't fight my urges, so I began to drink every day again (not as bad as I was before treatment, though--I was literally drinking from the time I woke up to the time when I'd eventually pass out). I got severely depressed, and in late March I got sent to yet ANOTHER mental institution...
When I got out, I went straight back to drinking...and the scary thing is...now, when I lose control and get extremely drunk, I become extremely abusive towards my boyfriend. I feel so horrible, so I'm back to quitting again and actually going to go into this extensive program that my psychiatrist and therapist suggested.
Only thing is...I feel like all of the relationships I've had have slipped away. I'm not social AT ALL anymore and when I actually am, I get so anxious that all I want and try to do is drink...and sadly, the majority of my friends and also my parents don't believe I have a chemical dependency problem (I'm only 21--been using since I was 15). They laugh at me and tell me its normal to get sloppy drunk sometimes...but they don't realize or really want to listen to my side, which is, I feel the COMPULSION to drink all the time and it's RUINING MY LIFE.
I feel so sorry for my boyfriend...he's so confused as to what to do and I don't blame him for being that way. I'm a basket case. I just hope I'll never hurt him again like that...that was terrible! 
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