Yeh you're probably right...I probably have such poor boundaries I have to keep everyone at a distance! Perhaps. I know I don't like people getting close to me (when they do manage) because I find it produces a contaminating feeling that I can't shake off for ages. I always find when I am around people I come away and feel like I need a good few days before I stabilise back to me again. Even saying things like this online I find quite difficult to do as I feel it exposes me...and this is an anoymonous!

I'm going to meet some old friends over the next few days. I can feel the anxiety building. I'm going to try take some things with me that I can physically touch and look at to try and help. One part of me has decided that in order to get past these feelings that I need to SH in order to keep in control, I need to allow myself to be in a position where I can potential lose control, then see myself deal with it and thus reduce the anxiety surrounding these situations....and another my simplistic part just wants to be safe. Hopefully I'm worrying for nothing and I will just have a nice time - I really need a break so I hope so!