I'm sorry you are going through this right now.

A question that I have is have you ever been strangled by someone else? This is very important, also. If you were once strangled before and left to live, then you may secretly be wanting death.

I remember when my ex strangled me I had repeatedly tried to make him strangle me after he did this, but he refused to "finish the job." I've also tried to hang myself. Now I cannot stand anything near my neck, let alone anyone's hands near my neck. I often flip out when my bf puts his hands near my neck.

Another possibility could also be the wish to die, either consciously or unconsciously.

I wish I had more answers for you. This has to be terrifying. Please let your T be aware of what is happening to you. And when your T asks you about SI, ask her if this is considered SI in her opinion. I'm not sure if it is or not. I think it all depends on the reason behind it.

Hang in there.