Okay, so you said you don't want to cry, but I always feel better after crying my eyes out. It's such a relaxed feeling. It's scientifically proven to be a great release.

With a diagnoses at least you can now adjust your life accordingly now, no? You are not a different person, but now you have a set diagnoses for your issues, right? So you can try to catch behaviors that you have that you want to adjust, or notice different things that you want to change. This doesn't make change any easier necessarily, but your being aware is a first big step.

I'm really drunk now if any of that came out wrong.. But if you need someone to try to help sort things out with or just to talk feel free to pm me! You have been very helpful to me in the past I think you are a great person!