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special_k said:
hey. i don't think you are being daft. i think it is natural for people to try and understand themself by trying to relate to other people. relating to dx's is a way of relating to other people... the current dx classification system is fairly arbitrary and fairly controversial and is fairly much... social convention

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yeah, i think that's definitely true, and i realise these things are arbitrary, i guess i'm just looking for a way to explain the things that i see as happening that can't just be explained by mania/depression, although they worsen when i'm in those states, they're always somewhat problematic: in that they niggle at me and make me feel incomplete somehow.

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i don't think anybody likes to feel invaded :-(
and contamination... nobody likes to feel contaminated either :-(
i think some people can have a fairly bad reaction to sex if they have had unplesant sexual encounters. ones that left them feeling invaded and contaminated, for example. and surgery... surgery (if experienced as invasive and / or painful) if linked to sex in some way... well that could make sex seem pretty bad too...

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my tdoc thinks i hate invasion because i was in an operating theatre/incubator for a long time as a baby, and i hate people coming near me physically, she thinks because sub/un conciously i never know whether they're coming to hug me or inject me with something. it kind of makes sense. the problem is that ALL my sexual encounters (and when i was very ill with bpolar, there were a lot of them) have felt wrong, have made me feel bad, i've hated every single one of them. but i've never known why. i don't think i've ever had sex related surgery, and i don't believe i was ever sexually abused... when i was younger i'd drown it out by getting absolutely wasted every time sex was on the agenda so i wouldn't have to be conscious for it. it's only now i've realised that just because society expects us all to be partnered up doesn't mean i have to be, or that i have to have sex at all, that i've realised how much happier i am without it AND how dysfunctional my sex life has always been. i always knew i hated it but now i realise just how much, and looking back i can see what lengths i went to to blank it out.

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but those things might well be problematic in the sense that their lives would be better off if those things were resolved.

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i see what you mean. to be honest things don't seem so problematic when i'm manic but when i'm depressed i still see the problem side of things. but even when i'm well these issues are there and i would feel better if they were resolved somehow, even explanation would help.