Everyday I ask myself that question. I had what I thought was the women I would marry. She at one time pushed me to get married. We were together almost 4 years we have 2 great girls. We bought a home. Everything was perfect. Prior to our first being born I got addicted to opiates. I was on them about 2 years when I finally told her. Of course she and I both were upset. But she stood by me. Lucky for me she still did trust me. I never lied hurt or did anything wrong to her so she knew I was just addicted. I went and got help. Everything was perfect again. I could not ask for a better life. Then last December the day before our second daughters first birthday out of the bile she said she did not love me anymore. You want to talk about the worst day of my life and the most crushing and devastating thing that ever happened to me. Within 2 hours of her telling me she was gone. Of course I relapsed I wanted to kill myself. I just could not stand it. You all know what how that feeling is. So obviously I got extremely depressed ( I had a previous diagnoses of ADHD and clinical depression from years ago as you can tell by being diagnosed clinical depression which is now major depressive disorder). I always kept hope that she would come back. I mean Im the father of her children I never cheated,never hit her,never verbally abused her would buy her anything she wanted. You know I thought that I was the ideal fiancé. I kept the hope but I knew deep down it would be no time before she got with another guy. Her whole life she had always had a boyfriend. Every guy she was ever with she left for somebody else and that is very true. A few weeks after she left me she told me she had feelings for her x boyfriend. Of course the first thing I said was I knew it was for somebody else,I f****** knew it. Well she did not wind up getting back with him. And last night I found out why. I went to where she was staying and she was there and so was a fancy expensive car. I did not go inside. But I knew what was going on. I texed her and told her I had something important to tell her but I saw she was with her boyfriend and did not bother. And she confirmed it. It's her new boyfriend. Just 5 months after leaving me she almost got with her x. And now she is dating some guy with money. She swears it's not about money but what girl would admit that she is attracted to the money? Not very many would. I know it's not all about the money. But the fact she is giving somebody she just met a chance to be with her and make her happy and she could not even talk to me and tell me she was not happy and try to give our family a chance. Nope she could not do it. She refused to even talk to me before she left. How can a girl leave somebody who is the father of there children,have a home with,you know how much he loves you that he would die for you or the kids. How can a girl not even give somebody like that a chance? But they can give somebody they just met a chance? The way I see it she did not even make a effort to save our family because the two most important things to her just happen to be the two things that I can't fix. She lost the attraction for me and I don't make enough money to make her happy. Little does she even think about the fact that I contribute 700 dollars a month in her financial responsibilities ( that is half of our house payment each month we are both on the loan). How can this be so easy on somebody? How? How can you leave your fiancé and father of your children and just like that get with somebody else?how can people be so f****** heartless and cruel? How can you take the kids from there home and there loving father and bring somebody else in there life just like that? Needless to say I have relapsed again today. I just don't care anymore. I hate the world I hate the people in it and I hate myself. And no I don't choose drugs over my kids. I love them with all my hear and I see them as much as I can,about once a week is all I can see them because I work 50+ hours a week. I don't use around them or anything. But I just hurt way to much. She is starting a new family and it feels like I'm not daddy anymore. Just the father and I think there is a difference. It rips me up inside to know that another guy is going to be the main guy in there life. He will be there for all the important things. He gets to see them everyday. He gets to go on vacation with them he gets to watch them grow up. I'm left with nothing. I seriously have no friends but one. My family does not live around here. I go to work and I come home to nothing everyday nothing! Somebody tell me how can women do this? Don't get me wrong I know guys have done this to there girlfriend also so I know it's not just women. But how can a person do this? For practically no reason at all? I have told her how depressed I feel and told her that I have had thoughts of suicide and I wish I did not do that it was a mistake. Because of course she now thinks I only said it for attention and to make her feel bad. I said it because it's how I feel. And yes I really wish I did not tell her and I won't again. I don't know anymore. I just don't know. I have only had 2 real girlfriends in my live and they both left me. I don't know what's so wrong with me. But I have to think I'm just not a attractive person and to most women thats the most important thing admit it or not. I am just as nice as can be to people I do talk to. But any girl I show some feelings for they want nothing to do with it. One girl I kind of liked tells me how up happy she is with her relationship and that he verbally and physically abuses her and I have seen marks on her. She talks to me about everything and I mean everything. But she would not even give me a chance either. Is that it? Are looks the most important thing to women? I know you have to be attracted to somebody to be with them. But it's like if you are the nicest person on earth and would take care of the person you are with. It's like you can't have a chance if your not hot. I see all these pretty girls with these piece of s*** guys that hit them and treat them so bad but they won't leave them. And I think it's because they are attracted to them and looks are deceiving. I hAve just had it with my life. I'm not good enough for anybody no matter what I do. And I'm not going to be alone forever. And I don't mean just in a relationship but even somebody to talk to I don't even have that. I just give up. Thanks to anyone who reads this. I guess I needed to vent.