I'm in the same boat as CB, I think of suicide often, regardless of my mood. It's my brain's default setting for the better part of the last 12yrs. Sometimes the thoughts are amusing, scary,laughable, well, you get the gist. For me it doesn't indicate intent. My last pdoc, I told him about my default setting and he put me on lithium. Now as MUCH as I hated that drug, it DID it's job WELL! I've never had to call a dr or go inpatient for thoughts (really, he wouldn't have taken me seriously if I called every other day about my thoughts) BUUUT, the times I've been ACTIVELY suicidal, it hit me seemingly out of nowhere like an 18 wheeler truck, and the urges were strong, and my body was making preperations even without my consent, tools, notes, the whole caboodle, but on AUTO PILOT it took every ounce of strength I could mustre to tell my brother what I was doing so he could keep me safe. I can understand if those scare people, lucky for me, I've now got suicide/si kits, self-awareness and PC, being in that kit, and I use them. I stand by my point tho, if you are obviously N0T holding it together, drinking and drugging yourself into a stupour every night just to 'function', THAT is definitly cause for seeking help. You mustn't be ashamed to ask for it.