Shadow-world -- Thank you so much for understanding so much.

That childless issue is something people really ought to have far more respect for, and many do. Yet, still, things get said out of line. If ever a person deserves to be told to "Shut Up," it's when they talk on that subject regarding someone else's life. I resisted the temptation to tell her that I would have felt bad becoming a mother under the circumstances that she chose. That would have been just mean, on my part. I don't judge her.

That, above, can be so very true. There can be a lot that falls under "etc" too. My long term, close relationship has been with a man who had very tough issues for a long time. Whether it was smart, or stupid, I chose to stay by him through it all. When I recently mentioned to him that I did not expect that it would be so tough to get older without children, he said, "You never wanted children." That kind of burns me up for him to be so nonchalantly sure of himself about what I did, or didn't, want. He was much older than me, already had children, and was just not in a position to support a second family. Alcohol was a major problem. I was 43, when he sobered up.

It's true that, if becoming a mother had been my burning ambition, I might have left him ten years before that. I could have done, and I didn't, and that was my choice. I chose him and accepted the limitations that our relationship had. That doesn't mean that I might not have liked to have had things differently. Had he been a different kind of man, I might have found myself having different ideas about what was possible. I don't blame him. I'm not out to throw it in his face. However, it did make me so mad the way he said what he said.

He was not in shape to be a father, again. It would have been hard on a child, and it would have been very hard, frankly, on me. I know that lots of women have had children by men with all manner of problems, and sometimes it has worked out okay. I don't judge what anyone does. I didn't feel like I could bring a child into such difficult circumstances. That was my choice, but he was wrong to say that it was a totally "free" choice. Sometimes, the truth is "yes, and no."

I have known of other women who have felt pressured not to have a child because of the wishes, or capacities, of their S.O. It's a tough decision to live with, and one that has perpetual consequences. My neighbor has no business saying what I should have done, and my S.O. has no business being so blase about what I could have done.