**** DISCLAIMER & HUMBLE REQUEST: ****
This originally began as one extremely long, very exhaustive, post! I wanted to be thorough addressing each of the diagnostic criteria so you’d have an honest and real picture of what I’ve been experiencing compared to yourselves. Due to the ridiculous length, I decided the best thing to do was to divide up this post into a few others over the course of the next few days. This way it’d be less time consuming for you in one sitting. I already feel like I’ll be trying your patience. I’d be ever so appreciative if you’d kindly bear with me, keep checking back in, and answer/address what you can along the way. Or, if you’d rather wait until this whole thing unfolds in its entirety that would be great too. Any and all insights are welcome and appreciated. Thank you for your time and patience.

Hi everyone,

Recently it was suggested to me by a pdoc that I might be Bipolar. This was not my regular pdoc. Fortunately he explained a Bipolar diagnosis could not be made without several more sessions, observations, and further patient reports. Never in a million years did I think this diagnosis would fit me. However, now, I can’t help but wonder if this pdoc may be onto something. Since he put this bug in my ear I’ve done a good amount of research and am seeing a lot of myself in this disorder.

Since then I’ve seen my regular pdoc to go back on antidepressants. While there I asked her opinion about this diagnosis. She explained that when I was on Prozac years ago, if I was Bipolar, it would have sent me into a manic state. Well, it didn’t. Prozac only increased my depression. So Lexapro was prescribed for me instead. This is what’s worked best for me and what I’m on now.

She offered to write a script for a mood stabilizer to see if this would help. She didn’t say one way or the other if she thought my symptoms fit the diagnostic criteria. I was left feeling the only way to discern this diagnosis was to experiment with mood stabilizers. I’m not comfortable just trying something, “To see,” if it works. I’ve begun a mood chart and explained this to her. So we decided to wait until my follow up appt. (a few weeks from now) and see how I’ve been feeling to decide if mood stabilizers should be revisited.

This is where you come in. I’d really appreciate your feedback and advice. Therefore, I thought I’d share my story with you- those who have been diagnosed and experience Bipolar on a daily basis. Please know I am not asking anyone to diagnose me! I understand you are not Dr.’s. I’d just like your opinions based on your experiences. Again, I apologize in advance for the lengths of these posts. I really do appreciate your patience in reading this.

Ultimately, I guess these are my questions. (For some you’ll probably have to wait until other posts follow):

1). Does what I’ve been experiencing sound like Bipolar II (with hypomania- highly doubt I’m fully manic), Mixed Episodes, Rapid Cycling, or Cyclothymia? Or a combo of any of these?
2). For those of you with Bipolar II does this sound familiar to you? Have you had similar experiences?
3). If you’ve been on Prozac did it send you into a manic state? What were your experiences whether this occurred or not?
4). If you were in my shoes would you try a mood stabilizer to see if it confirms or denies this diagnosis?
5). Is trying a mood stabilizer the only way to ascertain if one is truly Bipolar? Really?! Is it truly a process of feeling like a guinea pig through trial and error? Not sure I like this.
6). Finally, do you think my symptoms, behavior, etc… do fit into each of the diagnostic criterion?

MY CURRENT DIAGNOSES:
Dysthymia
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder- NOT OCD! This is very different.

CHANGES IN MOOD:
This pdoc suggested Bipolar because of my sudden shifts in mood from depression, to feeling okay and balanced, to moments of irritability and frustration. Sometimes I experience this all in one day over the course of the day, or within an hour time span or so. Also, I’ll be in one of these moods for a day to a few days, then will wake up one morning experiencing the other, then a few days later another. (Ex: Feel depressed a day or two, happy and content for a day, then irritable and impatient another). These can be in any combination or order and are not extreme fluctuations in mood- just enough to be noticeable and wonder why I’m feeling this way since there seems to be no identifiable trigger.

This has been occurring over the past year or so. Maybe longer, I don’t know. I never really paid attention and didn’t think much of it. I thought these were symptoms of my depression since it’s common to experience agitation, irritability, etc… while depressed. My, “Pissy Moods,” (as I call them) are completely controllable. Meaning, I want to snap and rip someone’s head off, but don’t, because I don’t want to take it out on others. I’m normally a very kind, loving, bubbly person and this doesn’t feel fair to me. For this reason when I feel this way I usually want to be left alone. Plus, being around others tends to annoy me when I’m in one of these moods. If I’m in an environment which won’t allow me to be alone and try to shake off my mood, I fake it and behave as my usual, calm, bubbly self.

This is all I'll post for today. Other areas to be addressed will be: 1). Decreased need for sleep. 2). More talkative/Pressure to keep talking. 3). Racing Thoughts & Distractability. 4). Increased Goal Directed Activity. And 5). Inflated Self-Esteem and Grandiosity/Excessive Pleasurable Activities.

Again, thank you for your time and patience in reading this. I look forward to your responses as my story continues.

Just looking for answers to so many questions.

~* PositiveKarma*~