You sound like someone who may be far more wonderful than you have any idea of. Sounds like, maybe, you didn't get a lot of real positive feedback along the way. I think we start out being really dependent on others to help us know that we belong and are valued. If we get that early on, then I think we grow up confident.

If we, somehow, were lacking enough of that sense of being really welcomed in this world by those around us, then I think that is how we grow up feeling always like we might be in the way, or we might be doing something wrong, or we might be taking up too much time or space.

The trouble is that it is real hard to make up for things that didn't go positively earlier in life. I can identify with so much that you say. I used to think that my childhood home was fine and that I just got scared outside of it. Now, I think that the atmosphere was a good bit too severe at that childhood home. There was praise for doing things right, but too big a deal was made out of mistakes. Besides, children should not be loved based on their "performance." Being a kid in my house was like having a job.

Your past could be completely different. But I'll bet it does hold answers.