((struggling2))

My tendency has been to repress. Whenever a little memory popped into my head, I'd immediately go into a panic state of mind. I would also become furious with myself for not being able to control my fear. Up until this past year or so, I would not allow myself to think about why I was so scared. I just wanted to stop the emotions!

Things are now coming back to me, bit by bit. It hasn't been a wave of horrible memories engulfing me, thank goodness! Instead, I have short memories. Images and feelings (physical and emotional), some words that were said, some noises and smells during ~ but not all at once. I hope that what I'm saying is making sense to you. Some instances of SA, EA, and PA are easier to deal with than others. Those memories are more complete than the others.