You are definitely not alone! I have been feeling the exact same way. My therapist was away for 2 weeks so I didn't see her and I was so down. I do the same though. If I am not actively involved in something my mind just wanders and I start talking so negatively. I don't know when that will change but we can only have hope! Feel free to post here and we can talk or private message me. I'm here for support!!