Well, when I was 19 I had a psychotic episode. It was delusions of persecution (meaning, I thought people were out to get me and hurt me.) It lasted for several years, until it just sort of faded away and I don't know why. In fact, I completely forgot about it for about 4 years or so. It's hard to say because I can't remember when it stopped or why. I've also had some auditory and visual hallucinations.

I also struggled with depression, and what I didn't realize with mania, since I was a child.

So here's what I can tell you when I experienced that delusion. First off, it was 100% real to me. I had no idea that it wasn't real. I never thought to myself, "I must sound crazy." I not only thought that that it was real, but I fully expected people to know it was real, too. I felt good at that time. I didn't feel depressed, and I was really happy. I'm not sure if I was manic or not. I remember being very, very happy all the time. I was so happy I had "friends" and was happy to be going to college, and trying (and failing) to hold a job, but still happy. I actually ended up getting married during the time of this psychotic episode.... and my oldest son was born, too. The marriage was a mistake, but my oldest son was born... so, that's how that is.

I had the misfortune that I had some "friends" who thought it was just a good idea to go along with it. My ex husband was one of those people, too. No one ever said, "Hey, X, maybe something's wrong with you." I probably would have got mad at them for not believing me, and for saying that. Because I had "seen" vehicles "chasing" me, (really I was partially hallucinating, or if cars drove by, I thought they were the people after me,) it would have been especially hard to hear.

But, today when I look back and realize I was having a psychotic episode what hurts the most? The fact that no one cared enough to come to me and say, "X, something seems wrong here. Do you need help?" No one even tried. When I would tell my dad "I'm depressed," he would say, "Everyone's depressed, get over it." When you tell someone, "I'm suicidal," what do they say? "Oh yeah? Suicidal? Then just do it. Go ahead, do it." Or when you SI what do people say? "You just want sympathy, you just want attention."

Even now, as an adult, I feel like I have no one to turn to at all when I'm struggling.

So even if your son doesn't appreciate it today. Even if he fights you and doesn't seem to listen. Someday he will get to a place where he will look back and say, "Even when times were rough for me, my mom was there for me." And that's worth more than anything, to know at least one person cared.