I hate this freaking cutting urge. I've been struggling off and on for 12 years now and it never gets easier. I feel so much shame and stress over my coping mechanism. I always worry people will notice and question me. I try to only cut on the thigh now so I can hide it but I was in a bad way tonight, too much to drink, all alone, and feeling really triggered and I cut up my wrist. I hope no one notices. Why do I feel like such a lunatic for doing this to myself? I wish more people understood. I wish I didn't feel so alone and so weak. I wish I didn't feel like a failure who needs to be punished. I want so badly to find something that works for me, some way to make this need go away forever. I hate myself.