I agree you are writing okay. I can tell that I'm not doing great because my grammar and punctuation are so bad. I used to be a grammar master. But its easy to understand your writing, so that's not bad.

I know how it feels to think that God just created me to be a loser. I feel like that a lot. When I was younger I thought I was "magically special." Now I feel quite the oposite.

And it isn't true you will never have a relationship. The negative thoughts are all your depression trying to drag you down. I'm sure she's not perfect. Thinking that way will surely cause you to be disappointed when you learn she's not. Best to love an imperfect being as an imperfect being than nothing at all. You deserve love, too.